Mia Birdsong is the author of the new book How We Show Up: Reclaiming Family, Friendship, and Community. She is an activist, facilitator, and storyteller, and a senior fellow of the Economic Security Project. She lives in Oakland, California.
Q: What inspired you to write How We Show
Up?
A: Writing a book was something I’d
thought about as a someday kind of thing, but I didn’t have a specific book in
mind.
I was approached by an editor after an
event where I spoke. We met up and she asked me great questions that helped me
articulate something that had been trying to come forward from the back of my
mind.
It was very much about things I needed
answers to--questions about belonging, intimacy, interdependence, and
accountability. As soon as I realized what the questions were, I knew where to
look for answers.
The people I have seen with the most
expansive, inclusive, loving, interdependent relationships of family and
community are Black, queer, unhoused--folks who experience marginalization. How
we show up is very much the book I needed to read.
Q: Your first chapter focuses on the
American Dream, and you write that it is "both an illusion and an
aspiration." Can you say more about that?
A: The idea of an America meritocracy
where anyone can make it with a little hard work is a lie. Most people weren’t
even included in the Founders vision of “we the people.”
They didn’t mean women, they didn’t mean
Black or Indigenous people, they didn’t mean poor people. They were talking
about land-owning white men, like themselves.
That foundational history is the
foundation of our systems and institutions. Most wealth in this country is
concentrated in the hands of white men.
In my mind, the aspirational part is not
about leveling the playing field, but re-envisioning the dream itself. I want
things to be more fair, it’s not like having more diversity among the wealth
hoarders is better. That would still leave most of us struggling to get by
without basic human rights like housing, food, health care, and education.
We’re seeing our greater aspirations
articulated in movements that are calling for things like guaranteed income and
the abolition of police and prisons. And the progress that’s being made makes
clear to us that nothing we want to create a generous, caring, just world is
too much, nothing we want to create the future we deserve is unrealistic.
Q: What are some approaches people can
take toward community-building during this time of pandemic?
A: There are so many things! I’ve been
focusing on how to give and receive support.
For example, I’ve been doing a lot more
sharing with neighbors and friends to avoid going to the grocery store. My
neighbors across the street just left a bunch of artichokes on my porch. The
day before they texted asking if we had any mirin so we gave them an extra
bottle we had.
I just gave my next-door neighbor a dozen
eggs from our chickens. He has a steady supply of mustard greens for us. I have
a neighbor who works at a drug store and she brought me a couple containers of
disinfectant wipes when I mentioned that I was having a hard time finding any.
I have a friend who texts me and a couple
of other folks when she goes grocery shopping to ask if she can get us anything
from the store. At first, I hesitated to say yes because I know what a pain in
the ass grocery shopping has become. But I push past my discomfort every time
because it’s legitimately helpful. This last week I actually texted her ahead
of time to let her know we needed coffee.
This cycle of mutuality strengthens the connections
between us, it carves out the grooves of healthy interdependence. These are the
kinds of community bonds that build our sense of belonging and actually make us
safer.
Q: What do you see looking ahead when it
comes to "showing up" for others?
A: I’m mostly focusing on what I know we
can do. Covid and this latest cycle of white violence has made it even more
clear that our “normal” was failing. Our systems and institutions are supposed
to provide us with basic human rights, but they won’t do that unless we demand
it.
We’re seeing people show up in opposition
to white violence in ways that are creating powerful change. I am hopeful that
that level of solidarity continues and becomes more deeply embedded and
normalized in our culture.
And then there are some things that
systems and institutions can’t and shouldn’t try to do for us.
For example, the government should provide
us with excellent health care. But if I’m sick, a friend or a neighbor is going
to bring me soup and help me get to and from medical appointments. There is a
kind of love, care, consideration, and connectedness that we can only get from
each other.
Covid has many of us leaning more deeply
into our interdependence. It has us practicing solidarity in ways we haven’t
before. I hope that no matter what comes next, we keep tending to our
solidarity and interdependence. I hope we allow ourselves to be more vulnerable
and intimate with others and reject the lie that we can make it on our own.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I’m collaborating on a guided journal
for the book. It will allow readers to think deeply and creatively about their
own relationships and create plans for the kind of growth they’d like to see.
I also started a TV show called My
Brilliant Friends. Several weeks ago I realized that the people I wanted to
guide me through this uncertain time and into a better future are people I
know. And I thought other people might want to hear from them too, so I started
this live video series. It’s been fun and has expanded a lot of my thinking in
meaningful ways.
Other than that, a lot of my work has
disappeared because it involved in-person speaking or facilitating, so I’m also
spending a lot more time working on my little city farm. I’ve been gardening
for a long time and a few years ago, I added bees and chickens. It’s sanctuary
for me and the people in my household. That’s helping to keep me grounded.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I’ve been doing a series of Instagram
posts to share more about many of the people I interviewed for the book. So
many of them do incredible work and I wanted to say more about them. If you
follow me on Instagram @miabirdsong, you can see all that.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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