Katie Rizzo is the author of the new memoir The Trimesters of Grief or Are You Gonna Listen to What Is Going on in Here?. It focuses on the death of her son from opiod addiction. She also has written the poetry collection None of Them Are You. She is also an educator, and she lives in Arizona.
Q: First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss...
Why did you decide to write The Trimesters of Grief?
A: I looked everywhere for a book on how to hold on after losing a kid to addiction, and couldn’t find one. So I decided to write it. As a scientist, I observed, kept a journal, and looked for patterns. Life felt so unlivable, so I fell back on trying to understand how things had gone so utterly wrong.
What I found in my curiosity is that birth and death aren’t distant relatives. They’re different sides to the same coin, or one is a door and the other a window. If my body still holds some of Nicholas’s cells, as science has shown, then is it such a stretch to think of my body as capable of experiencing his death as well as his birth?
I need this book to chronicle our experience and then to radiate out some heavy truth. Eighty thousand people died of overdose in 2024, the year our son died. We’ve met parents so overburdened with shame they haven’t told others about their child’s death.
It’s time to address the shame and bring it into the open. Drug addiction doesn’t have an easy cure. Look at relapse rates; for opioids, it’s as high as 90 percent return to their drug of choice after a costly rehab. Instead of treating addiction as a moral failing, it’s time to treat it as a disease.
Our son was prescribed Xanax and opioids, and once he grew tolerant to their effects, he was always trying to get back to a normal baseline. He didn’t want to be addicted; he didn’t want to die. He just wanted to feel “normal” again.
Q: The writer Colin Campbell said of the book, “I cried several times reading this memoir, but I also laughed out loud.” What do you think of that description?
A: The whole thing about grief is that it feels ridiculous. Our son can not possibly be gone.
And our words that surround grief can be cruel: you can laugh, or be angry and shake your fist. Either way, he’s still gone.
And Nicholas’s life wasn’t just longing and despair. He was a rambunctious kid, and laughter followed him.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: The Trimesters of Grief: or Are You Gonna Listen to What Is Going on in Here? The title picked itself. My body held grief in similar ways to pregnancy. The subtitle is an Easter egg, and every time I see the title, the words rumble a little in my chest.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: Writing The Trimesters of Grief was an experience in letting my best self look at the data to find a way to survive. I’ve had to reexamine everything. I used to believe that “things happen for a reason” and “time heals all wounds,” but now those truisms are lies. The grief expert David Kessler says that I will grieve as long as Nicholas is gone, and that feels about right.
I hope readers deep in grief find grace for themselves. So much of my grief was overshadowed by guilt and shame. I would love to take those emotions from readers.
In addition, people who have addiction feel such deep self-loathing. Who benefits from that? I hope we as a culture start looking at addiction as a physical dependence on a substance that doesn’t allow them to return to baseline of security, peace, or comfort. It’s literally like being in an Edvard Munch painting. Who benefits from treating addiction like a moral failing?
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I’ve written two YA books that are out on submission. One is about a young woman who sets out to find who dumped mining tailings into the Roaring Fork River. It's fiction but based on growing up in the valley. I’m hoping to write more about life and death and the Elk Mountains.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: My compendium book of poems - None of Them Are You - is available as well.
For those in Colorado, I’m doing a book launch on Oct 9 at Explore Books.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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