Andrew Levinsky helped bring the book I'm Going to Miss Me, by the late Lee Knoll, to publication. Lee Knoll is a pseudonym.
Q: What is the backstory for I’m Going to Miss Me, and what was your involvement in the story?
A: The origin story of this book is as unusual as the novel itself. I describe my role as a sort of de facto, pro bono "sherpa" carrying out the last wishes of the author.
I was involved in the editing process but the only words I wrote were the dedication (the author did not include one so I appropriated this as my compensation for the project) and the afterword excerpted here:
“To this day, I remain mystified about why I was chosen to bring a story into the world written by a person I hardly knew. Lee, (a pseudonym) was a colleague with whom I had formed an initial bond over our mutual antipathy for a work supervisor. But our conversations rarely strayed beyond the office. Neither of us mentioned family, marital status, politics, or any truly revealing details about our lives. So, our mostly superficial acquaintance left me unprepared for the package I received days after Lee’s suicide—a manuscript for a novel with instructions for me to try to find a publisher. Nowhere in the cover letter was a request for my help. I had been drafted, and this was my assignment.
My first question was “Why me?” Didn’t Lee have anyone closer than a work acquaintance to entrust with their life’s work? I read the manuscript looking for clues. The narrator was alone in the world. The themes were isolation, detachment, and suicide ideation—leavened with an undercurrent of mordant humor that I could relate to. Knowing the end of their real-life story, I assumed the manuscript had autobiographical elements but in their letter to me, Lee described the book as fiction. Their one clear directive was to maintain their anonymity. In an age where fame and even infamy are such a powerful incentive, I was fascinated by their dedication to remaining unknown. My second question was, who was Lee hiding from, even in death?" (Find the full backstory at imgoingtomissme.com).
As it turned out, the backstory wasn’t nearly as unconventional as the book.
Q: What do you hope readers take away from the book?
A: I suspect that readers seeking a "Just say no" take on suicide will be disappointed. Some may even assume that any discussion of this taboo topic without this explicit message is a tacit endorsement.
I believe the author's instructions to donate their full share of any profits to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) offers a hint about their motivation. I read their reluctance to provide platitudes and easy answers as a way to encourage readers to ask tough questions. This is obviously not a children’s or YA book. Like the story’s protagonist, it is for mature readers.
In literature, the word suicide is nearly always followed by prevention. (When it is preceded by assisted, it is controversial even for the terminally ill). I imagine that Lee had something else in mind: to get into the head of someone free from responsibilities to loved ones who is contemplating ending his life for elective reasons.
The fact that this book balances such a serious topic with a powerful undercurrent of humor may make it even more polarizing. Admittedly, it’s a strange mix.
When people ask for comparisons, the only one that comes to mind is another novel published posthumously, A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. But that cult classic is steeped in satire where this one is character-driven. For me, the distinctive voice of the protagonist felt completely authentic: desperate and mordantly funny.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: It’s hard to know the real intentions of an author who is no longer with us. So, I may be reading into this but I think of this book as a sort of psychological mystery.
The clue is based on one of the very few details I received from the writer. Lee noted that while there is one primary narrator, there are two protagonists: Charlie, who is approaching some existential decision making prior to his 60th birthday and Maeve, a woman who enters his life in a quasi-therapeutic role. Her motivation is the subject of much speculation which, again, provides no simple answers but inspires many interesting questions.
I need to mention one other aspect of this novel which I found intriguing—a “soundtrack” comprised of lyrics from the times (1980s through early 2000s) and places (New England and Limerick, Ireland) where the story is set. There are a few excerpts from poems, too, all used as epigraphs to set the tone for each chapter.
Lee apparently had eclectic tastes, from Joan Baez, Gillian Welch and Lucinda Williams to Pink Floyd, Belle and Sebastian and Metallica. Their “wish list” was obviously painstakingly selected and integral to the work.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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