Jennifer S. Miller is the author of the new book Humanaissance: Igniting Courage in Our Teens and Ourselves. She also has written the book Confident Parents, Confident Kids. She lives in Columbus, Ohio.
Q: What inspired you to write Humanaissance?
A: A theme started emerging in my life as my son entered middle school and I entered mid-life and all of the complications that go with it. I began longing for courage on a daily basis.
I noticed things were breaking down in my own professional and personal life and I was being forced to reckon with my adapted self - the one that is so responsive to life's obligations and responsibilities -- and my true self which had been too quiet and neglected for too long.
My son was facing into peer judgment and bullying as he had to deal with his own seismic physical and emotional changes.
I wondered if it was some cosmic irony or synchrony that we undergo peri/menopause (or second puberty) just as our children are going through puberty. Add to those conditions, the fact that the digital world continued to expand its reach, its addictive pull, its potential for darkness and I was fearing the teenage years.
What I needed most was courage so I began writing about it to learn how I could face into these truths with agency. Writing in a journal helps me unpack my feelings. But writing for others, starts a dialogue, deepens my learning by deeply listening to others' stories, and ultimately, it holds me accountable.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: I recall standing over my dining room table angry about the injustice I was feeling for not only this generation but also the parents who are working so hard to raise teens to thrive but contending with cultural forces like the hyper-achievement focus and particularly technology that is making it all more challenging.
I said to my husband, "We need a humanaissance." In other words, we need to champion the human spirit for ourselves and this next generation so that they grow to be confident in who they are and how they relate to others, courageous in their actions, taking responsibility and considering future generations, and prepared to give their best gifts to contribute to a better world.
As I began considering the implications of the title more deeply, I began to see that our teenagers are renaissance artists, or primed to be the most creative and innovative in their lives because of numerous developmental themes.
They are novelty-seeking. They view risk-taking as reward producing and need to experiment in order to figure out their identity. What if we, as parents and educators, raised and educated our teens as the artists they are? How would that look differently? How could that vantage help us create the conditions for thriving?
Q: The psychologist and writer Marc Brackett said of the book, “Jennifer Miller reminds us that our job is not to eliminate young people’s difficult experiences, but to help them understand them, act on them wisely, and become more fully themselves.” What do you think of that assessment?
A: I think his assessment is spot on. Resilience does not grow without moving through hard experiences. Teens are born resilient-ready. But like a muscle, resilience, or the ability to bounce back from adversity, increases with practice and experience.
They are also born courage-ready. But it is moving through their fears to face into discomfort, pain, and difficult experiences and then learn and grow from those chances that helps them more regularly practice and embody courage.
Q: What do you hope readers take away from the book?
A: The feeling of fear is ever-present when raising our tweens and teens. It is in how we respond to that fear that defines how we meet the challenges of raising the next generation to thrive.
Courage is a choice. Courage always has a noble purpose. It is always waiting in the wings, ready to access, when fear is present. When courage is regularly practiced, it can evolve into habits that make it more regularly accessible. We, as parents and educators, are essential models of courage in our teens’ lives.
In these unprecedented and complex times, our teens require us to step up to demonstrate that the exceptional assets of being human - our heart and spirit - and the honing of skills that go with those assets - like self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making - determine our ability to live a good life and contribute to others' lives.
I will be successful if parents begin to regularly ask the question: What is the courageous choice here?
Q: What are you working on now?
A: Spreading the message far and wide.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I interviewed numerous adolescent development experts and educators in researching this book. With every one, I asked about their roles with their own children.
When I brought up the need to help children turn to their inner wisdom for guidance as they were seeking their sense of purpose and identity, they all agreed that was critically important. Yet when I asked what language they used or how they did it, not a single person was making a point of doing this in their parenting. Not one.
We need to point our children to that quieter voice inside -- their inner wisdom -- which will take the courageous habit of pausing and listening within. "Courage is the fulcrum necessary for living out our deepest values instead of becoming subject to external forces."
How will our teens' moral compass form? How will they learn to become responsible decision-makers if the cues they take are only from social comparison and social media?
The book provides specific and practical language and practices to help parents take that courageous pause with their teens, help point them back to their inner wisdom, and make meaning together to become intentional about how they are living their whole lives and how specifically they are using technology as a life-giving tool and connecting village.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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