Virginia DeLuca is the author of the new memoir If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets. It focuses on her relationship with her former husband. She also has written the novel As If Women Mattered. She is also a psychotherapist, and she lives in Boston.
Q: What inspired you to write this memoir?
A: Heartbreak. I was heartbroken. And confused. And disbelieving. But I was also 61 years old, and I knew that even in the depths of loss and despair, with enough loving support and enough time, those feelings would shift.
So, I started writing and kept a journal called Perry Leaving. I wrote about how he wanted to leave and have his children over email at 61 years old. I wrote what he said and what I said and how I called all my friends and family for support. I put in the emails and the texts each day.
Eventually, a very close friend, a fantastic writer, said, "Maybe you should write a memoir."
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: After Perry left, we had been talking one afternoon about all the logistics of divorce that is required, and I expressed disbelief (again) that he wanted to have a child at 60, and he repeated it, "Yes, I want a child." Then I yelled at him, "Fine. If you are going, I wish you triplets."
Then, after completing many drafts of the book and starting to query, I asked a fellow writer, Kristen Paulson-Nguyen, to help me find a good title. She was beginning a business called "The Title Doctor."
She read through the manuscript and asked if I wanted sensitive, literary, funny, short, etc. And then, she listed a few possibilities. Boom – when I saw that quote from the book, I laughed. Perfect.
Q: The writer Randy Susan Meyers said of the book, “Her willingness to dig through ‘his and hers’ sins of omission and commission and the family history underlying actions that set the scene for disaster provides a remarkably candid read.” What do you think of that description?
A: I loved it!
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: Writing this book, going from draft to draft, made me experience his leaving from many different perspectives. I could see myself as the innocent victim and him as the bad man who abandoned his wife when she got old.
But that was only one version. I could also see myself as a strong woman with lots of love whose husband wanted to have a child of his own before it was too late, and he didn't know how to make that happen.
I hope people take away the message that even when life doesn't go the way we want or expect, we can choose how we respond and that it is important to ask for help when suffering a loss.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: My seven grandkids would love for me to write an adventure book with seven characters who are brave, strong, and smart. The characters get into trouble, but they stick together and help each other.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I hope everyone enjoys the book. Thank you, Deborah, for reading it and doing this with me.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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