Photo by Jennifer Denton
Brenda Coffee is the author of the new memoir Maya Blue: A Memoir of Survival. Also a photographer and filmmaker, she lives in Texas.
Q: What inspired you to write this memoir?
A: Some things that happen in life stay with us forever, and whether I was keeping a journal or making notes on my computer, the incidents in Maya Blue have been with me for decades.
One of the readers of my popular blog, 1010ParkPlace.com, left me a comment that said, “If these are the stories you’re willing to share with us. . . I’ve led an adventurous life and often share it with them. . . what are the ones you haven’t told us?” She couldn’t have known her question was so profound.
Aside from my late husband— my second husband in the book—and a handful of close friends, I didn’t talk about any of it, but while we were all isolated during Covid 19, I started writing them down in first person, present. As though they were happening at that very moment.
Q: The author Lee Woodruff said of the book, “Brenda Coffee’s compelling memoir reminds us of the importance of seizing our power.” What do you think of that description?
A: Lee is very astute because that’s the thread I used to stitch the book together: Never lose your voice because it’s the source of your power and the most valuable tool you have.
I wanted to be the only woman my first husband ever wanted so whether it was adventurous, dangerous, sexual, or illegal, I did things not because I always wanted to, but because they pleased him. I traded my voice and my power to be loved.
I was 21 and he was 33 when we started seeing one another. I was so young, and I would have, and did do, almost anything he asked. I wanted to impress him that I was smart and worldly and not afraid of anything. Sometimes, I look back on that young woman with my mouth agape, and I ache for her naiveté and how he took advantage of that.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: According to art historians, the color Maya blue is the strongest, most resilient pigment known to man. The ancient Maya used it to paint parts of their pyramids, as well as the bodies of their sacrificial victims, most of whom were women. After thousands of years, that blue paint on the Maya pyramids is still there.
When the Guatemalan military took me at gunpoint and forced me into the jungle, a 15-minute or so walk off the road, they held me next to an unexcavated Maya ruin. I could see some of the hieroglyphs, and they still were that vivid blue color.
I’ve used Maya blue as a metaphor for not just my strength and resilience, but the strength we all have inside us. It’s a reminder never to lose our power and our voice because with it, we can survive almost anything. I’m proof of that.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the memoir, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: During Covid-19, when we were all in isolation, I began writing Maya Blue. I thought if I could write about what happened in the jungle, I could write about what I’d already gone through with my late husband—his cocaine and alcohol addiction and the men who repeatedly threatened our lives and broke into our home, but I was wrong.
The first thing I wrote was when one of the military commandos pushed me to the ground to rape me. That poured out of me in a very matter-of-fact way, like my journalism skills: who, what, where, when, and why.
Later, when I started writing about my husband, it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Yes, what happened in Guatemala was horrific, but a part of me could be arm’s length from it, something I couldn’t do when writing about someone I loved.
Ultimately, the entire writing experience was cathartic. When I was done, I knew I’d let my guard down and shared intimate things I never intended to share.
But as I say in the prologue, I’ve written this for every person who’s been hiding in self-imposed isolation because their truth is embarrassing, inconvenient, even dangerous. I hope my story gives voice to theirs, but more than that, I hope it offers them strength. Maya blue strength.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I have another memoir in me, and I’ve been writing, but it’s been difficult to find a good stretch of quality time. Who knew publicizing a book could be as time-consuming as writing one?
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I’m grateful to be at this point in my life, and I think a lot of where I am comes from the mostly female readers who leave me comments on my blog or email me.
When I was the young woman in my memoir, I lived in a man’s world, and other than the two great girlfriends I’ve had since I was 15, I didn’t have many women friends.
But my blog has filled me with gratitude that now all these wonderful women have come into my life. We inspire one another and encourage each other to dream big and to ask for what we want.
One of the movies I can watch again and again is Working Girl with Melanie Griffiths. There’s a line in the film where Melanie’s character asks her girlfriend, played by the brilliant Joan Cusack, “Who makes it happen? We make it happen!”
I think both of those statements are ones every woman should print out and put on her desk or her refrigerator. The ability to make things happen is the result of knowing what you want and having the courage to go after it.
Often I tell my readers, if someone says no to what you’ve asked for, the word no doesn’t hurt, plus no today doesn’t mean no tomorrow. Don’t let no keep you from moving forward. If you don’t like where you are in life, do something about it. Don’t wake up one day and regret the “what ifs” and “if only I had.” Seize life with both hands and make it happen.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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