Q&A with Zelly Ruskin

 

Photo by Diana Kupershmit

 

 

Zelly Ruskin is the author of the new novel Not Yours to Keep. She lives in New York City.

 

Q: What inspired you to write Not Yours to Keep, and how did you create your cast of characters?

 

A: The idea for Not Yours to Keep originated with a photograph. I was in a long-term relationship that had run well past its expiration date (that’s a story for a future book).

 

One day I found this photograph in his coat pocket, and when I asked about it, he told a ridiculous lie. What’s funny is the lie didn’t faze me. I just kept looking at the photo, thinking, there’s a great plot in there somewhere.

 

Years later, I drew inspiration from that photo, my early career in adoption and personal experience with fertility, to develop a narrative in which the characters face morally questionable choices: What if the photo was of a baby? Why would someone lie about it? What if I had known I had fertility issues when I was an adoption consultant? Would I have crossed a line?

 

I created the cast of characters by blending composites of adoption and foster care clients with tidbits of personal experiences. Then they grew and changed based on their relationships with other characters and the situations they faced.

 

I also molded them based on many unexpected encounters I’d had. For example, one day a chatty cab driver, unaware of my background, talked about being adopted. He expressed raw, visceral emotions about the pain of rejection he’d experienced.

 

I harnessed both his feelings and the way he made me feel and used that to make certain characters in my story more dimensional, with a perspective I otherwise couldn’t have.

 

Q: The Foreword Clarion review of the novel says, “Two women are pulled together by their complicated relationships to motherhood in the tense but humane thriller Not Yours to Keep…whose suspense is directed by the intense emotions brought forth by the loss—or unrealized gain—of a child.” What do you think of that description?

 

A: To be honest, that part of the review really gave the imposter syndrome me pause. Could I have written something so profound? On second glance, it felt validating that the book tackled the difficult, emotional topics sensitively.

 

But I love the review, because it highlights the crux of what I hoped readers would take away from Not Yours to Keep, including how choices a mother makes impact future generations.

 

Q: What do you think the novel says about motherhood?

 

A: Without getting political, Not Yours to Keep addresses multiple aspects of motherhood/parenthood. When we decide to become a parent, or discover our pregnancy, we begin making choices for our future child, and for ourselves. What makes someone a mother or how is complex and emotional.

 

This novel highlights how the longing for motherhood, or losing the possibility, can be powerful. It also underscores the everlasting ties that bond mothers and children.

 

Q: How was the novel’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?

 

A: The title was a last minute AHA after a long search for the one that felt right. The words came in an edit to the final draft and seemed to underscore the struggle the mothers in the story face. Whether they are birth parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, or kidnappers, are they supposed to, willing to, able to, or allowed to keep the baby?

 

Q: What are you working on now?

 

A: Currently, I’m working on a new twist of a woman contemplating the murder of her greedy, gaslighting husband. Because who hasn’t had that nano-moment when we’ve wanted to kill our spouse or partner? What if you had no other choice?

 

Q: Anything else we should know?

 

A: When I’m not devising twisty plots, I’m a dedicated advocate for brain aneurysm awareness and research. You can read the Brain Aneurysm Essay on my website to find out why.

 

--Interview with Deborah Kalb