Gina DeMillo Wagner is the author of the new memoir Forces of Nature: A Memoir of Family, Loss, and Finding Home. Also a journalist, she lives near Boulder, Colorado.
Q: Why did you decide to write Forces of Nature?
A: When I published my New York Times essay “Mourning the Loss of a Sibling Rival,” it struck a nerve and tapped into a large audience that is underserved: Siblings and families who are hungry for authentic, honest, nuanced depictions of living (and dying) with disabilities in their myriad forms, both visible and invisible.
Very little has been written from the perspective of siblings to people with developmental disabilities or chronic medical conditions. And yet, about one in five families have at least one child with special needs, according to the National Institutes of Health.
At its core, Forces of Nature is about the challenge of loving people with intense needs without eclipsing your own. It’s a book about the stuff no one talks about, but all of us know deep down: that adversity isn’t delivered to us as a blessing or a curse; it can be both. Joy and pain are two sides of the same coin. You can’t experience one without fully accepting the other.
I wrote this memoir as an offering to readers who need that validation – and as a gift to the younger version of myself who craved honest, nuanced stories about family, disability, and grief.
Q: The writer Matthew Logelin said of the book, “Gina beautifully describes the physical and emotional toll that caregiving exacted on her own life, as well as the heartbreak of being the one who everyone looks to when things fall apart...” What do you think of that description?
A: I was honored to see Matt’s endorsement, not just because he’s a wonderful writer and friend, but also because he deeply understands the impacts of sudden loss, grief, and caregiving (If you haven’t read his bestselling memoir, Fatherhood, I highly recommend it!). His description feels insightful and true.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: Most books go through several working titles before publication, and mine was no exception. It sort of reminded me of choosing names when my kids were born.
I had a list of beautiful options that I brainstormed with the help of my agent, and we tested a few before landing on Forces of Nature. The final title was chosen late; editing was complete and cover design was just beginning. Yet, the moment I first saw the design, it felt like this was the title the book needed all along.
It speaks to so many themes in the book. My brother was a force of nature. His condition had a genetic, unstoppable momentum. There’s the friction between family of origin and family of choice. The magnetism of caregiving. The weight and pull that different geographies or landscapes have as backdrops to our lives. And, finally, nature itself was a force for healing in my life.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope people take away from it?
A: Writing a memoir is both solitary and communal. Initially, it’s long hours spent alone, researching and untangling memories, and making sense of your triumphs and traumas. You work tirelessly to retell your story in such a way that it will resonate with a wide audience. That part can take years and can feel very lonely.
And yet, throughout the writing process, I held in my mind the faces of my someday readers. I imagined folks holding this story in their hands and feeling nurtured by it. I imagined that by naming my experience, I’d give others permission to name theirs. And, of course, I imagined Alan feeling seen and honored by my words.
Now that the book is published, it feels communal. It’s my story, but it’s everyone’s story. It belongs to whoever is reading it right now.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I’m working on a series of nature essays that I hope one day to publish as a collection. I don’t want to reveal too much yet, but I’ll say that each essay explores a surprising way that the natural world reflects the human experience or allows us to meet deeper parts of ourselves.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I love connecting personally with readers, either on Instagram or through my Substack, which is free to join. Once or twice a month I share bonus essays, behind the scenes content, writing advice, recommendations, and news about in-person events. Please reach out and say hello!
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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