Q&A with Lisa Selin Davis

 

Photo by Marc Goldberg

 

 

Lisa Selin Davis is the author of the new book Housewife: Why Women Still Do It All and What To Do Instead. Her other books include Tomboy. She lives in New York City.

 

Q: What inspired you to write Housewife, and how would you define the term?

 

A: I first heard the term used in "real life" in 2009, when I joined a local Brooklyn moms' group and one woman referred to herself that way. I was intrigued—I hadn't known that women, well, still did call themselves that!

 

And I admit I was probably a little snobby, but I think also kind of jealous. I couldn't imagine anyone loving me enough to marry me and support me like that. Or, maybe I just didn't know those kinds of men!

 

I tucked it away until the pandemic and Trump's reelection campaign. That's when we exposed the mom-as-social-safety net problem, and he kept saying, "Wives, we're putting your husbands back to work," and "the suburban housewife will vote for me."

 

I knew that kind of woman was rare, but also understood that the image was so powerful that he could draw on it to get attention via nostalgia. So down the housewife rabbit hole I went!

 

Q: How did you research the book, and what did you learn that especially surprised you?

 

A: It was hard to research because the topic is huge and broad and there's so much scholarship out there.

 

In my last book (Tomboy), I could interview people who had called themselves tomboys and pretty much read all the scholarship on the subject. But that's impossible with the subject of women's work and mothering.

 

So first I interviewed people who wanted to talk about the subject—women who'd given up careers and had at first really enjoyed staying home, but who ended up really grappling with it in some way, be it emotional or financial.

 

Then I read about the history of the American family, about the growth of suburbia (a longtime fascination of mine—I used to be an urban planning nerd), and about important legislation that affects how women and families live.

 

What surprised me most was how new the "traditional" family was—and how different the suburban nuclear family is from any other model in history.

 

Q: The Kirkus Review of the book calls it a “passionate call for societal support for mothers.” What do you think of that description?

 

A: I think that ultimately I'm calling for support for families, as opposed to just moms. I have this (perhaps naive) idea that rethinking how we support families could get bipartisan support.

 

For instance, if we have a childcare bill, it could give the option of subsidized childcare for working parents, or it could give stay-at-home parents some kind of tax credit or subsidy—some way to contribute to their retirement or savings in the event they are widowed or divorced.

 

I think we could all agree on at least one early American family value: we need to raise good citizens. I admit we have different ideas about how to do that!

 

Q: What do you hope readers take away from the book, and what do you see looking ahead when it comes to societal support for women?

 

A: What I want women to understand is that 1) they were never meant to shoulder all the responsibilities alone and that 2) it's okay if it's hard. Expect it to be hard! 

 

Q: What are you working on now?

 

A: Another book about kids and gender! Stay tuned!  

 

Q: Anything else we should know?

 

A: I love zooming into book clubs and hope this book will spark discussions in them, and in mothers' groups! I was delighted that a stay-at-home dad loved the book, too.

 

--Interview with Deborah Kalb. Here's a previous Q&A with Lisa Selin Davis.