Matt Fogelson is the author of the new memoir Restrung: Fatherhood in a Different Key. A former lawyer, he writes about music on his Substack, Fine Tuning. He lives in Oakland, California.
Q: What inspired you to write Restrung?
A: After my son was born, I found myself thinking a lot about my father who died when I was in college. Missing him, of course, wishing he could meet my son, but also wishing he could see me being a father. It struck me that he only knew me when I was a kid and, conversely, that I didn’t really know him as a person.
I started to identify an emotional absence that existed between us my entire life, wondered if such absence was endemic to the father-son relationship, and, if so, how I could overcome it with my son. I sat with those feelings for a while, some of which I couldn’t have articulated so clearly at the time.
When my son was 9, I started a music blog, the original concept of which was to help classic rock fans like myself stuck in the 1970s find new music. But the project, and my writing, quickly morphed into personal essays about being a father and the role music played in that journey.
I loved writing those essays! And I realized there was a deep vein to mine in terms of understanding, mourning—and not replicating—my father’s absence. Writing became my vehicle for excavating and working through those feelings.
All to say that the road to becoming an author was meandering, taking me along twisting backroads until it eventually deposited me at the place I needed to be.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: I wanted a title that reflected the different approach I took to fatherhood and emotional connection compared to my own dad, while also centering the role music played in that shift. Restrung: Fatherhood in a Different Key nailed it!
Q: The author Holly Gleason said of the book, “Rich in heart and musical soul, Restrung is a moving call to reimagine fatherhood in a new key--one that sings instead of stifles.” What do you think of that description?
A: I’m a huge fan of Holly’s own incredibly soulful writing and so am very flattered by that description. Of course I think it’s spot on!
But seriously, I did pour my heart and soul into the book. Whatever criticisms there may be of Restrung, that I held back is unlikely to be one of them.
And while I never intended my book to be a call to action for anyone, if it inspires others to recognize, address, and hopefully overcome whatever emotional distance is present in their most important relationships, that would certainly be gratifying.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: Writing Restrung was a cathartic experience. It helped me understand my father’s emotional absence and make peace with it.
In a strange way, I feel like I got to know him better through the process, like I was communing with him. I came to understand how his workaholic ways were his effort to forge connection with his own emotionally absent father. But it also helped me recognize my own emotional limitations.
One of the most interesting aspects of writing Restrung was the conversations it spurred with other men, many of whom shared how they related to the emotional absence I experienced. How it seems to be handed down from fathers to sons like some unwanted family heirloom.
What I most hope readers take away from Restrung is the critical need to pursue your passions and not live a life bogged down by self-imposed constraints designed (consciously or not) to keep the people you love close.
That’s what my Aunt Wendy counseled me after my father died but I didn’t grasp it until decades later. If readers can learn the lesson better and sooner than I did, that would indeed be gratifying.
And for those who have lost a parent too early, my hope is that Restrung will offer not a blueprint for release from the grief, but a proof positive that such release is possible.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I’m mostly focused on my Substack, Fine Tuning, where I continue to post essays about music and parenting while also trying to nudge classic rock fans stuck in the 1970s into the 21st century. In the back of my mind are a couple of projects about some of the “characters” in Restrung, but nothing concrete at the moment.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I’m super excited for Restrung to finally be out in the world. It’s been a long journey from my windowless basement office—where I hunkered down for almost three years with a bottomless supply of Kleenex and a couple of guitars—to a bookstore near you!
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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