Corey Seemiller is the author of the new book The Soulmate Strategy: My Imperfect Plan to Conquer Heartbreak and Find True Love. She is the co-host of the Rock That Relationship! podcast, and is a leadership educator. She lives in Tucson, Arizona.
Q: What inspired you to write The Soulmate Strategy?
A: As a lesbian, I know first-hand that there are very few books that validate the life experiences, relationships, and heartbreak of women who love women. I know because I was on an endless search for them when I was suffering heartache.
After my seven-year relationship came crashing down, I was left scrambling for anything that could help me feel in control. I needed information, validation, inspiration . . . whatever would make the pain subside and allow me to move on and find love again. I binged podcasts and audiobooks, but nothing fully reached me.
So, I chronicled my heartbreak to healing journey as it was happening. Writing this book as my life unfolded was wholly authentic, raw, and unscripted, leaving me not knowing the ending until I felt that the story reached what felt like its natural destination.
My hope is that my memoir inspires readers to love themselves, missteps and all, as they go through or reflect on their own journeys from heartbreak to healing to love again.
Q: How was the book's title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: This book went through many title iterations beginning with, “My Love Life is Terrible, and Why I’m Grateful for That,” which no one except for one friend seemed to like.
I then shifted to “The Healing Plan: My Relentless Quest to Conquer Heartbreak and Find ‘The One,’” which seemed to come off more like a nutrition self-help guide meets breakup recovery textbook.
I then landed on “The Soulmate Search,” which I became quite attached to. But, then I learned that the title was also the name of some lesser-known movie and would confuse readers.
After recovering from the disappointment of losing my clever “Soulmate Search” title, I started to think, “Was this a search or more of a contrived, planned, and scripted quest?” The answer to that question was clear: My journey was far of a more strategic process than a passive search.
Thus, I worked with my memoir coach to finalize a title that felt perfectly fitting: “The Soulmate Strategy: My Imperfect Plan to Conquer Heartbreak and Find True Love.” That one felt like it reflected my Type-A personality and need to force my way through healing and finding love, which is exactly what this story is about!
Q: What do you see as the most common perceptions and misconceptions about soulmates?
A: I used to believe that people have one soulmate and that they spend their lives scouring the Earth hoping to run into their person so they could have true love.
But my view of soulmates expanded greatly throughout the journey I wrote about in the book. As I met with intuitives and learned more about the subject, I began to believe that our soul circles are much wider, and comprise dozens, if not hundreds, of people with whom we have deep and complex past life histories.
These individuals play a variety of roles in our present-day lives – friends, coworkers, family members, neighbors, and even in some cases, romantic partners. Our feelings towards them can be familiar, magnetic, or even uncomfortable with no explanation.
Often, we have a purpose in meeting them – perhaps to complete a soul contract, finalize unfinished business from a past life, or to serve as a familiar traveling companion from lifetime to lifetime.
Many people in my soul circle emerged throughout my journey, affirming for me that their presence in my life was far more profound than I had ever imagined . . . maybe even more so than any elusive romantic soulmate I was on the hunt for.
The other perspective about soulmates that shifted for me was that I formerly believed that if I somehow found my soulmate, I would be guaranteed a fail-safe relationship in this lifetime.
I learned quickly, though, that because of soul contracts, not all people in our circles are destined to play “forever” roles in our present lives. Thus, we have to trust our intuition to draw us to people we connect with, and then invest our heart, time, and energy into those relationships, while not being afraid to leave if the connection no longer brings us joy.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and can you say more about what you hope readers take away from it?
A: For one, writing the book played a significant part in my healing journey. While writing, I could reflect and make meaning of my experience as it was unfolding, allowing me to process my emotions in a unique way.
In addition, the four years of editing continuously thrust me back into the story, where I discovered even more meaning and resolution.
I hope readers see that heartbreak can be messy for just about everyone who goes through it. We tend to think we are alone in feeling out of control, trying to grasp onto anything that would make the hurt, angst, and pain subside.
But we aren’t alone. Heartbreak is universal; and, if people venture along with me during my chaotic quest to heal and find love, maybe they will feel more validated in their own journeys through heartache and love.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I’m in the editing stage of a follow-on book about healing after heartbreak. I took many of the tactical ideas from my memoir, expanded on them, and incorporated them into an interactive and inspirational guide for surviving and thriving after heartbreak.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I loved writing this book. But it was hard. I relived difficult moments over and over as I wrote and then later edited the manuscript. As time went on, though, I became more distanced from each event and could see them from a slightly different vantage point, allowing me to discover and unpack more about my own experience.
In the book, I list 44 items on my checklist I did to help me with healing. But, honestly, writing this book was by far the most healing. And, for that, I’m grateful.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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