Carol Odell is the author of the new memoir Girl, Groomed: A Therapist's Memoir of Trauma. A psychotherapist, she lives in Seattle and Cle Elum, Washington.
Q: What inspired you to write this memoir?
A: Even as a young girl I thought I would one day write about my years at the horse stables where I spent the bulk of my youth. However, I didn't realize back then that I was in denial about the abuse and violence I was experiencing there and how this would constrict my growth later on as an adult.
Addressing this personally and professionally, I became interested in how to untangle the limiting narratives we create as a result of trauma. I wanted to offer what I have learned about all this through my intimate memoir.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: My working title while I was writing this memoir was simply "Groomed," because of the dual meaning of this word.
My early life took place in an equestrian setting involving my love of horses. I appreciated every opportunity I had to groom these gorgeous creatures. However, I was also sexually groomed by my riding instructor so it contains that negative association as well.
It represented the bind that I was in in my youth between caring for the horses and navigating the abuse perpetrated by the man who owned and ran the stables.
Later my publisher added to this title, which became "Girl, Groomed," which was an improvement because it directly specifies the timeframe of the trauma, which is rooted in my girlhood.
Q: The author and therapist Meghan Riordan Jarvis said of the book, “Odell holds her story with [the] reverence of a survivor and the wisdom of the therapist she eventually became.” What do you think of that description?
A: I really appreciate Megan's review of my book. There are not many psychotherapists that are putting their own difficult personal stories out into the world.
Incorporating my therapist voice and offering the wisdom I have gleaned along the way through my own therapy, which is woven in chapters throughout the book, was what I was hoping to convey.
I hope that by expressing my vulnerability in this way, my healing journey will be more accessible and relatable for others. I am grateful that Megan, a therapist herself, highlighted this aspect in her generous review.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: Growing up I fragmented myself off from the toxicity I was daily barraged with at the horse stables. This redacting of the difficult feelings was a useful coping strategy at the time.
However, the writing necessitated that I revisit these scenes and literally write myself back into the pain that I had splintered myself apart from. It was challenging on the one hand, but also very emotionally integrating.
There are many themes and takeaways that I hope come through my story. The notion that our trauma informs who we are but doesn't define who we are or who we are becoming is an important message I hope to impart.
Also the encouragement that although everything in us wants to avoid pain, if we can face the grief and loss, we develop more capacity for love and joy in our lives. This is key to not just building resiliency, but also how we can become prayer flags for others.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: My energy at the moment is going towards launching my book and writing my newsletter. I also run a full-time psychotherapy practice, so there's not a lot of bandwidth for other writing projects at this time, but I do have some thoughts and inspiration percolating in the background.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I wanted to mention that I will be donating a portion of all proceeds from this book to equine therapy and horse sanctuary organizations.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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