Deborah Derrickson Kossmann is the author of the new memoir Lost Found Kept. Its themes include her relationship with her mother, and the issue of hoarding. Kossmann is also a licensed clinical psychologist, and she lives outside Philadelphia.
Q: What inspired you to write this memoir?
A: All memoir is about trying to make meaning from personal experience.
Originally, I wanted to tell the story of how I became a writer, but I had
vowed not to talk about my mother until she was gone.
Everyone who read the early drafts of this book felt that “something” was missing and that something was, of course, my mother and our relationship which I’d left out deliberately. I had to wrestle with the secrets and shame in my family. I put the book on hold for a bit and went back to writing essays, a favorite form for me.
Soon after I discovered the full extent of the hoarding in my childhood home and the crisis happened with my mother. The saving of my mother IS my story. Ironically, it was her hoarding chaos that organized my book!
Q: The writer Carter Sickels said of the book, “In this unflinching memoir, Deborah Derrickson Kossmann fearlessly excavates her memories and the wreckage of her mother's home to tell a complex, intimate, troubling story about mothers and daughters, mental illness, and the endurance of love.” What do you think of that description?
A: I think that Carter captured my book perfectly. I love how succinctly he summed up the themes and main struggles of the narrative. But mostly I like that he felt I didn’t turn away from what I understood. I tried to be fearless in the writing of Lost Found Kept, which was a very hard thing to do.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: The original working title was What We Hold On To, which is also the title of one of the important chapters about my childhood. Because that title was not very specific and, also, because it was difficult to search for grammatically, the publisher felt we needed something different.
After much back and forth, a brilliant editor suggested that I use the structure of the book sections as the title. It was so simple! My publisher agreed that keeping it clean and spare was the best fit for the book.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: I’ve been asked several times if it was “cathartic” to write this and I have
a strong reaction to that. I believe memoir is its own art form and that while
art may be created from trauma, that only happens effectively when the trauma
has been metabolized so that it can be used and broken down.
If that material hasn’t been adequately processed, the writer can’t choose what is most relevant, what metaphors best capture the feelings, and most importantly, what parts of the story can be let go because they aren’t relevant for the reader.
The vividness of the experience is what I hope to give readers. I want them to understand what mental illness looks like and to have compassion and empathy for the people in my book. We are all flawed.
Memoir can provide a
vehicle to understand another’s life because it is real. In America it’s
estimated that one in 50 people are hoarders (with various levels of this).
That means there are many family members, including children of hoarders,
who are struggling with what to do in these situations, like my sister and
I did.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: My new project is a collection of essays. Presently the
working title is The Complications of Captivity. These pieces combine
historical research about the Philadelphia Zoo and its inhabitants (staff
and animals), environmental concerns, psychological theory and memoir.
I think, in a way, it’s a similar theme to Lost Found Kept—it’s about being trapped, and how to escape. Zoos are a kind of Noah’s Ark, especially with climate change and habitat destruction.
People think of them as entertainment, but they may be one of the only ways for endangered species to survive. Zoo people take the responsibility seriously. I am exploring how sometimes being caught is also what saves something.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I found out Lost Found Kept won the inaugural Aurora Polaris Creative Nonfiction Award from Trio House Press two months after my mother died rather suddenly. My mother loved astronomy and all things space-related, so I took it as a sign that she was okay with my telling this story.
Currently, I’m in the process of planning some Philadelphia-area events and there will be a virtual book launch reading and discussion with Trio House Press on Sunday, January 12, 2025, that will be available afterwards through triohousepress.org. I hope what you read here is encouragement to join us!
I also have several readings planned for early March in and around Cleveland, Ohio. Check out https://www.lostfoundkept.com/ periodically to see where you might find me.
And do share the website with friends and colleagues who might also be interested in my book. Lost Found Kept can be ordered where all fine books are sold. Thanks for the opportunity to respond to your questions, it's been a pleasure.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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