Laurie Collister is the author of the new memoir A Different Kind of Vow: Rewriting My Happily Ever After. She is also a counselor and a journalist, and she lives in Los Angeles.
Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir?
A: As a counselor for 17 years, I shone the spotlight on my clients – from Ph.D. candidates at UCLA to unsheltered men at a one-hundred-year-old skid row mission.
So, when I left that profession, I thought, what would happen if I shone that same light on myself? Perhaps I could learn something vital – about where I’d been in my life and, in turn, where I might go in my next chapter.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen and what does it signify for you?
A: My book was amazingly hard to title. No one, including me, liked my initial title of Vows Rewritten: A Memoir. Friends joined me for a brainstorming session, with all choices, no matter how ridiculous, dutifully recorded on a white board.
We came up with titles like White Picket Fence: The Other Side; Righting My Life: A Memoir; and A Teenage Wizard, A Lonely Priest, and Me.
The title I settled on – A Different Kind of Vow: Rewriting My Happily Ever After – connected the two main themes of the book: 1. We all start out with a plan, a goal, a vow, call it what you will, that we believe we must fulfill; and 2. Sometimes we have to rewrite that vow, to find our path to happiness.
Q: Was most of the book based on your memories, or did you need to do additional research?
A: By the time I started writing my memoir, I’d accumulated more than 300 volumes of diaries, penned over 50 years. So, my research involved culling quotes, scenes, conflicts, characters, etc., from thousands of journal entries. This source material lent an authenticity to my writing that I could never have achieved if I’d relied solely on my memory.
I outlined each chapter and then penciled in the margins of my diaries which passage applied to which section of the outline, be it III.A.1. or VIII.C. My writing classmates remarked, “Oh that’s way too organized for us!” But I needed that kind of detailed map to plunge into the forest of my past.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: Wow, how much time do you have? I will note three points for each question. Just know there are many more!
First, writing my memoir taught me how to insert myself in my writing. I had to lose the objective voice I’d employed in a former career as a business journalist. Instead of “just the facts, ma’am,” I had to access and express feelings that I’d never actually accessed and expressed before. So, in many ways, writing became like therapy.
Second, it taught me how to structure a full-length book, with beats, an arc of change, defining the protagonist’s main problem and obstacles to overcome, and a fully fleshed out transformation at the end of the book.
Third, it changed my opinion of myself. I always viewed myself as sort of losing at the game of life – I had not achieved what society told me would bring me happiness – husband, children, and white picket fence.
But after describing all of my spiritual quests, career pivots and romantic interludes, I saw the life I’d lived in a far different light. I’d led a fascinating life, filled with brave experimentation, a strong desire to grow, and a willingness to learn, both in traditional settings (earning three college degrees), as well as outside the university classroom, in a Hindu convent, psychic college, and far flung travels.
What do I hope readers will take away?
First, examine the vow you are pursuing. Is it based on parental, spousal, or societal dictates? Or is it actually your own unique calling? If the vow you’re pursuing isn’t bringing you happiness, maybe it should be rewritten.
Second, learn how to identify your vow if you haven’t already done so. I hope my search for a vow illustrates how one person found her life purpose.
Third, recognize that by examining your past, you’ll see that there are so many lessons, either learned or ready to learn. With this point of view, you can wring worth out of even the most painful experience. You can see yourself as a student presented with obstacles that helped you to grow and progress down your life path.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: Currently, I’m working with my publisher on the cover design and copyedit of my next memoir, tentatively titled The Last Home on the Left: My Fourteen Years Working on LA’s Skid Row. The book will be published by She Writes Press on July 13, 2027.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: Over 4 million books were published in 2025, according to statistics compiled by Bowker, the official ISBN agency in the U.S. That means I, and my fellow authors, each must stand out, in the choice of our subjects, the quality of our writing, and in the creativity of our promotional campaigns. As a debut memoirist, I have worked hard to meet the challenge of all three elements!
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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