Tim Beckwith is the author of The Front Nine, which includes both life lessons and golf lessons directed at his son. Beckwith is a PGA Master Professional and serves as director of golf for The Oaks Club. He lives in Sarasota, Florida.
Q: How did you come up with the idea for this book, and how
did you choose the lessons you share in the book?
A: I’m not saying anything new when I describe the absolute
180 your life does when you have a child. My experience was no different than
many new parents. You’re faced with an overwhelming love but also your own mortality,
your past, the unknown and we mustn’t forget the chokehold of fear that you
just can’t shake…the fear that whispers to you nightly “please don’t let me
screw this kid up.”
The fear coupled with the fact that my own father wasn’t a
constant presence in my youth, led me to this book. Until I was 11 and my
mother met my stepdad, I didn’t have a constant male role model.
This didn’t matter at all to me until I met my son Jackson.
That’s when you start to think about the way you grew up and how you’d change
things. I wanted to be better. I wanted to make things easier for him by offering
life lessons that I consider fundamentals and being there for him.
That isn’t taking anything away from my mother. She did a
terrific job raising three kids alone. I didn’t realize at the time of course
she was teaching me these lessons along the way. It became extremely important
to me that I do the same for my own child.
The life lessons I chose are simple for a reason; Jackson
was not even 2 years old when I finished the book. Complicated lessons could
wait. Since I am a PGA Master Professional with emphasis on instruction it was
easy for me to break things down to the fundamentals. That’s what teachers do.
There
are nine lessons offered such as “Play Fair” (don’t cheat), “Temper, Temper”
and one of my favorites, “Don’t be an Asshole.” In my opinion, these lessons are
the fundamentals of a successful life.
Q: You include life lessons as well as golf-related lessons
in the book. Do you see this book appealing to non-golfers as well as those
more familiar with golf?
A: I’d like to think the book has a broad appeal. It started
out simply as a letter to my newborn son. Any parent can relate to that. And
ultimately, both the life and golf lessons are the basics…and everyone can use
a refresher now and then. Even scratch players have to break things down when
they develop a glitch in their swing.
To me it’s no different in life, you hit
a glitch, and you go back to the basics to see where you went wrong.
Q: Of all the lessons in the book, do you have one that you
consider the most important?
A: I have a few favorites. The lesson on perspective is an
important one, but right now I would have to say the one that resonates with me
most is “Your One Superpower.” This lesson focuses on the one thing in life we
can control--our attitude and how we react to situations. I really do consider
it a superpower because no one gets it right all the time.
The reason it resonates so much with me is I am now the
proud parent of a 7-year-old boy. As my wife and I navigate those parenting waters
we are faced daily with the uncomfortable idea of him out in the world without us.
Second grade can be tough! He has come home crying because
someone made fun of his backpack and he’s come home with a note from school because
he threw a Lego in anger (at a wall, not another child, thank goodness).
Both of these are prime examples of reacting to situations
before thinking. But like I said no one gets it right all the time. I still
have adult players that throw clubs. Really.
I tell Jackson that unfortunately there are people in the
world that are mean. I try to remind him that words only have meaning if you
let them. It doesn’t mean your feelings
won’t get hurt. But you have to try to let the unpleasant people matter less in
your life. It’s easy to say but it can take a lifetime to learn.
The most important thing any of us can do in a tough spot is
take a moment and remember that ultimately our attitude and reactions are the
only thing we can control.
Q: What do you think your son will think of the book when
he's old enough to read it?
A: I like to consider myself a down-to-earth guy, so I try
not to delude myself whenever possible. So I do not delude myself in thinking
that Jackson will want to have anything to do with this book when he’s old
enough to read it!
However, I have hopes that when he isn’t embarrassed by me
anymore (the dreaded teenage years) and we become friends in addition to being
father/son, he will read the book and know how much I loved him, how much I
wanted his happiness. I know he will understand all of that when he has
children of his own.
Q: Are you working on another book?
A: I have a couple ideas brewing. Working as a golf
professional I still see a lack of diversity in growing the game. I would like
to see more women and underprivileged youth have access to it.
It can be intimidating and expensive. I know because we
didn’t have a lot of money growing up. The only reason I picked up a golf club
was because my mother waitressed at the local golf course and they gave me
access during her shifts. It would not have been on my radar otherwise.
Obviously, I am a fan of the game and what it can do for
confidence and the metaphor for life it offers. I’d like to see more books and
programs geared toward demographics not traditionally targeted. I’m working on
a fun introduction to golf that hopefully will show that golf can be accessible
to everyone. It should be accessible to everyone.
I do get asked about a “Back Nine” and that is in the works.
But I didn’t come into this life a parenting expert and I still won’t be one
when Jackson is 18, so I’ll have to play some of the back nine with him before
I can write it well.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: In addition to golf, I’m a huge Texas Hold-em fan, so I
recognize a really lucky hand when it’s dealt. With my wife Jill and our son
Jackson, there is no doubt I’ve been dealt the luckiest hand possible. To me,
recognizing where you are lucky in life is critical to happiness. Lack of
gratitude ticks me off.
Finally, don’t throw your clubs. It’s just stupid.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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