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| Photo by Shoott Photography |
Marianne Richmond is the author of the new memoir If You Were My Daughter: A Memoir of Healing an Unmothered Heart. Her many other books include the picture book The World Is Awaiting You. She lives near Nashville, Tennessee.
Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir, and how was the book’s title chosen?
A: Writing a memoir has been a long-held dream of mine, not as much for catharsis, but rather for the satisfying creative challenge of telling this story. I am at a place where I can view it with emotional distance and clarity.
For a long time, I didn't know the ending of the story arc until I did. That was my sign to complete the manuscript.
The title emerged from the words a neurosurgeon said to me as I was wrangling with the decision of who would do my brain surgery. "If you were my daughter," said Dr. Spencer. "This is what I would do." It was a guy from my writing group who, after I read that chapter aloud, said, "That's your title!"
Q: How would you describe the relationship between you and your mother?
A: A couple words come to mind: emotionally distant and transactional. My mom was friendly with me and to those in her community and neighborhood. She liked to laugh, and she kept in touch with old friends through letters.
I chose the subtitle of my book carefully — unmothered heart — because I was mothered in a sense of having my food, shelter and clothing provided. There was, however, little mother/daughter emotional intimacy in a way that landed with me feeling seen and heard. Unrequited connection also feels apt. I felt lonely in her presence.
Q: The author Kelly McDaniel said of the book, “Richmond pulls us into her courageous, tender heart while bringing us closer to our own.” What do you think of that description?
A: I'm encouraged by this sentiment as my hope in writing this story was to come alongside readers in a way that feels supportive, affirming, and invites introspection of our own possibilities for growth and healing.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: It's given me low-level anxiety for months! ha! This is my most vulnerable storytelling to date; I share all of it with readers and I hope they take away a sense of feeling seen in their own family, maternal, and/or relational challenges.
I hope they also feel invited to a possible shift in perspective about the generational trauma and legacies we inherit. Perhaps like me, they've allowed their own sense of worth to be erroneously tied to circumstances beyond their control.
A narrative therapeutic lens offers this view: "The person isn't the problem, the problem is the problem." This has helped me trade condemnation for more compassion toward my upbringing, and perhaps readers will find this, too.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I am working on releasing this story into the world knowing I can't control how it's accepted, liked or disliked, and/or reviewed! Sounds like a metaphor for living, no?
As for other projects, my mind is focused on this launch and now I may build around its message whether through workshops and/or retreats. I have a creative writing journal coming out this fall as well as more children's books in 2025.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: What I want you to know is how much I value anyone taking the time to read and/or review my memoir. I've long said I'm honored when my stories become a part of yours. It's the ultimate gift to a writer.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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