Alex Bollen is the author of the new book Motherdom: Breaking Free from Bad Science and Good Mother Myths. She is a researcher and is a postnatal practitioner with the NCT, which is a parenting charity in the UK.
Q: What inspired you to write Motherdom, and how would you define that term?
A: I wrote the book because I am fed up with all the guilt-inducing garbage that mothers have to put up with! In particular, I want to bust the unrealistic and contradictory Good Mother myths that can make motherhood so miserable.
The word “motherdom” conveys the dignity and power of mothers – the suffix “dom” means “condition, state, dignity, domain and realm.” It is my vision of a more generous and expansive concept of motherhood, which values and respects the many different ways women nurture and protect their children.
Q: What would you say are some of the most common perceptions and misconceptions about motherhood?
A: Probably the most common – and certainly the most enduring – Good Mother myth is the idea of the self-sacrificing, nurturing and happy mother.
This can be damaging in many ways. Women can feel there is something wrong with them if they have negative or ambivalent feelings about motherhood. Also because mothers are expected to be “naturally” selfless, maternal love and care is taken for granted.
A misconception which is especially prevalent today is the idea of “optimization” – that Good Mothers should do everything in their powers to optimize their kids’ development.
Q: The scholar Tina Miller said of the book, “This passionately written and impeccably evidenced book reminds us of the myriad ways in which mothers are blamed for pretty much everything.” What do you think of that description?
A: I’m very happy with it! Tina has been researching motherhood for more than two decades and I’m a great admirer of her work.
Q: What do you hope readers take away from the book?
A: I hope readers come away from the book feeling both hopeful and angry. We don’t have to put up with these Good Mother myths! We need to focus instead on all the relationships and resources children need to flourish.
I’d also like any mothers reading my book to have a greater appreciation of everything they do to love and care for their children.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: Right now, I’m in the thick of publicizing this book but have two potential book ideas that I have started working on. I just need to figure out which one to pursue…
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: I’m planning to do some book events in the US this summer, but dates and locations haven’t been sorted yet. Please follow me on Instagram (@alexbollen) if you want to find out when these are happening!
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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