Q&A with Kelly Cervantes

 

 

 

Kelly Cervantes is the author of the new memoir The Luckiest: A Memoir of Love, Loss, Motherhood, and the Pursuit of Self. She also has written the book Normal Broken. She lives in Maplewood, New Jersey. 

 

Q: Why did you decide to write your new memoir?

 

A: I started writing it years ago because I was desperate to share my daughter with the world following her death. But what started from a place of desperation, with time and healing, evolved into a deeper and more complex narrative.

 

The format the book eventually became was inspired by Maggie Smith’s quote from You Could Make This Place Beautiful, “We are all nesting dolls, carrying the earlier iterations of ourselves inside.”

 

I started trying to find the meaning in the many layers of my own life and how each layer has affected the ones that came after. We are a compilation of all our past layers, and while I wouldn’t have chosen them and there are more than a few things I wish I could change, where I am in my life now is a beautiful place to be.

 

Q: I'm so sorry about the loss of your daughter...

 

How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?

 

A: Luck is a concept I have long struggled with. What is luck? Who doles it out? And who determines what is lucky or not? I know people looked at my family’s life in Chicago and saw the glamor of [my husband] Miguel playing Hamilton and all the glitz that came with that. But the daily reality was seizures, fights with insurance, and frequent hospitalizations.

 

However, I did feel incredibly lucky that we had the financial means for me to stay home and care for Adelaide and that we were given a platform to advocate and raise money for epilepsy research. How do you reconcile a fortunate turn of events that comes on the tail of the worst luck imaginable?

 

The title is meant to be ironic, I do not consider myself the luckiest. But I don’t consider myself the unluckiest either. The title also happens to be my husband and my wedding song by Ben Folds which was a fun through line to work with.

 

Q: The author Jessica Fein said of the book, “This stunning memoir lays bare the raw truth of becoming a mother, losing a child, and coming to terms with the fact that control is an illusion.” What do you think of that description?

 

A: Oh my goodness, I adore Jessica, and yes, she was spot on. Though there is more to the book than child loss – a constant theme throughout the book is my pursuit of control and how I perceive that control is evading me.

 

The problem with living life that way is that we will never be satisfied because the only thing we can control is our own actions in the very moment we are experiencing. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Even though I know this, I still struggle to break myself out of the cycle of thinking that if I just work harder and sacrifice more, then I will achieve my goals. But that’s not how the world works.

 

Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope people take away from it?

 

A: Writing is my therapy, so it certainly helped me process some decades-old wounds that I had allowed to fester for years. But beyond that, it also rekindled an appreciation for my female friendships. With every major crisis in my life, I have been fortunate (lucky?) to have strong women by my side to support me. I will never take those friendships for granted.

 

I hope people take from the book that our layers and scars can be beautiful if we give them air and allow them space to heal. That strength is rarely chosen but always earned. And that we are continuously evolving and becoming the next beautifully painted nesting doll in the series of our lives.

 

Q: What are you working on now?

 

A: Right now, I am working on spreading the word about this book, because good grief that is a lot of work! I am also in the beginning outline and research stages for my first fiction project. And of course the two nonprofit boards I sit on, CURE Epilepsy and The Undiagnosed Diseases Network Foundation, like to keep me busy.

 

Q: Anything else we should know?

 

A: I’m going on a book tour and bringing my husband, the talented and charming Broadway star of Hamilton musical fame, Miguel Cervantes, with me! The events will include songs, stories, and connections that will hopefully fill your cup. You can find all the details at kellycervantes.com.

 

--Interview with Deborah Kalb