David Barnett is the author of the new memoir Foxtail. He lives in Austin, Texas.
Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir?
A: The initial spark was generated by a raw, incandescent rage that followed a perceived betrayal by my oldest childhood friend—after which I promptly went on the bender to end all benders, which concluded with a booze-and-cocaine-fueled manic rant to another dear friend, Alonzo.
Zo provided a listening ear and some sage advice: the only way to process the fury and hopefully reach some sort of catharsis was to write it all down.
So, I did.
I never envisioned it becoming a published memoir. Foxtail started off as a writing exercise intended to exorcise my demons. I began that exercise with vengeance in my heart. I wanted to rip my betrayer’s heart out of his chest and devour it.
But that vengeance precipitated reflection, which brought about introspection, and ultimately, I stumbled ass-backwards into a place of forgiveness and acceptance—both of myself and of my oldest friend. The end product is Foxtail.
Writing this book also ushered in a profound subconscious awakening that ultimately concluded what had been a very dark period in my life.
I was still mourning the loss of my dream. I was imbued with grief after making the necessary, deliberate decision to abandon what had been a lifelong ambition: to become a real-life rockstar.
It was a decision I made in order to save my own life, because had I pursued that end any further, it would’ve been the end of me. I’d have surely died, and the book wouldn’t exist.
Looking into my own dark rooms and shining a bright, darkly comedic light on the wreckage eventually helped me process the grief, and I ultimately came to grips with my failure.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: The title refers to a literal object from my youth which became a personal totem—a kid’s toy, the foxtail, which was essentially just a baseball attached to a technicolored fabric windsock.
In the book, it first appears during a pivotal childhood camping trip to Inks Lake in which the respective spirits of my best friend Doug and I became inextricably intertwined.
When one chucks the foxtail into the air, it soars gracefully, riding the airwaves and creating an invisible wake in the sky. Upon its descent, the trajectory is always incredibly difficult to judge, and even if you are able to track it, the hardest part is always the catch.
For me, the foxtail serves as an extended metaphor for the trajectory of my own life: spent navigating the treacherous terrain, testing social norms and boundaries, and being unapologetically outlandish in all that I do. It signifies the intoxicating literary mix of friendship, betrayal, chaotic chemical dependency, and music all twisting around one another.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write this book?
A: The writing process itself humbled me—and ultimately saved me. When I finished the first draft, I thought I was God’s gift to literature, but looking closer, it was absolute garbage—written from a place of immense arrogance, hubris, and hidden insecurity.
I shelved the project for six months, allowed my bruised ego to heal, then began the process of true self-exploration. It took quite a few sleepless nights—and quite a few Coors Lights—to undergo the ego rehabilitation necessary to learn true humility.
I forced myself to look deep within, explore all the nooks and crannies of my psyche—of my spirit—and I eventually came to terms with my faults, follies, failures… and my mortal sins.
It’s an intensely grueling process: an emotional excavation. It teaches you to stop taking yourself so seriously, which I believe is the most essential characteristic for a good writer to possess. Hell, for a human being to possess.
Q: What do you hope readers take away from it?
A: I hope for readers to find both immersion and escapism. I want them to feel—deeply.
But I also want them to be swept up and carried away from the invasive, distorted noise that defines our modern society. I want them to find a place of solace where they can escape from the constant, collective worldwide bickering over each and every trivial bit of nonsense.
I provide no moralizations in this book. There is no neat and tidy, carefully manicured author persona; I just tell the story exactly as it happened—with brutal honesty—and let the reader make their own judgments.
Ultimately, I want them to feel a deep, visceral connection to the story. Even if they haven’t lived the same type of transgressive, chaotic, debaucherous, and outlandish life I have, the reader will relate. I believe that with all my heart, because above all, the story is about the human condition.
I believe Foxtail is a universally relatable chronicle. It’s about the constant state of subconscious bewilderment we all face brought about by existing as conscious entities, whilst at the same time, being trapped inside a sack of meat, collagen proteins, nucleic acids, and calcium phosphate.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I didn’t draw up a set of initial blueprints in which this had been my intent, but Foxtail will be a three- or four-part series (depending on how much more the respective sections continue to expand).
So, I am currently deep in the active drafting process for the subsequent installments of Foxtail, and if I do say so myself, the prose is looking exceptionally lethal. (Tentative name for the first impending sequel: Foxtail Pt. II: Grey Matter).
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: The linear timeline of Foxtail leaves me at 18 years old. I am 38 now, so I hope that readers will recognize that the person on the final page was an intensely confused, profoundly fractured teenage wastoid doing anything he could to survive a psychological and emotional abyss that he, himself, had manifested over years of self-abuse.
Since then, I have done the heavy internal work, healed, and grown into a semi-functional, semi-contributing member of society. So fear not: I am not the boogeyman—I am not “comin’ to getcha.”
Also, on November 7, (two days before the official publication date), I am staging a live Heavy Metal Showcase and Spoken Word event featuring readings from Foxtail, (as well as a few other surprises). It’s taking place at The Loading Dock ATX in Austin.
The entry fee of $25 includes not only the privilege of witnessing the beautifully-brutal, regional metal heavyweights, Hatewaker and Nemesis, but also a copy of Foxtail. I’ll even sign it for you if you should so desire (although that will surely depreciate the market value given that I’m a total nobody).
Nevertheless, if anyone wants to come to the Foxtail release party, you can find all the pertinent details and snag your tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/foxtail-release-party-tickets-2002562162335
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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