Photo by Anita Scharf
Claudia Marseille is the author of the new memoir But You Look So Normal: Lost and Found in a Hearing World. A photographer and artist, she lives in Oakland, California.
Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir?
A: In recent years I’ve reflected deeply on how living with a severe-to-profound hearing loss has shaped who I am in the world, and the life choices I’ve made.
In addition, several friends have been telling me recently about their own age-related hearing loss struggles saying that they now understand what I went through growing up. I am certainly very sympathetic to anyone dealing with hearing loss and adjusting to hearing aids but I know they really have no idea.
This motivated me to share my experience with severe hearing loss and the myriad ways it can affect a life, which few people truly understand.
I started out at age 4, when my hearing loss was first diagnosed, with a large, heavy, primitive analog hearing aid clipped to my undershirt. This aid was nothing like the sophisticated digital hearing aids of today.
Although I was mainstreamed in the public schools in Berkeley, and did reasonably well academically, I struggled socially and was often very isolated and lonely.
I describe how things gradually improved for me, particularly in the past 30 years, with major advances in technology and the shifts in the social landscape starting with the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 which requires accommodation on the job and in the classroom. This helped promote an increased awareness and understanding in our society for those with various disabilities.
Through my memoir I hope to offer an inside glimpse into my life lived with a severe hearing loss and provide helpful information for others. I wish to foster empathy, compassion, and understanding for those with disabilities and differences in abilities.
Q: The Kirkus Review of the book calls it “an elegantly written memoir that raises awareness and will empower others.” What do you think of that description, and what do you hope readers take away from your story?
A: I’m pleased with this description. I’m glad that they think it is “elegantly written” for I did my best to communicate what my hearing struggles were like. I also discuss the importance of making use of the various amazing modern technologies which can make such a difference if one is struggling with hearing loss.
For the first four years of my life I didn’t hear or speak. I had 10 years of speech therapy and lipreading training, and it took years before my speaking vocabulary was on par with my peers. So being able to write and now speak about my experiences has been very empowering, and I hope, inspiring to others.
I know that most people really have no idea how far reaching the impacts of severe hearing loss can be on one’s life and so I hope my memoir is useful in illustrating this. I also hope to show that one can, despite difficult odds, overcome adversity and live a life rich with creativity and love.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: When I was in middle and high school, I hid my hearing loss from my teachers and most of my friends, sadly believing that it was shameful. But during my final year in high school I started “coming out” and telling more people.
The title came from an incident with my 12th grade English teacher as he played LPs in class of performances of Shakespeare’s plays in class. He wanted us to close our eyes and appreciate the language but I couldn’t lipread the LP’s-- I desperately needed to be able to follow along with the text.
So I plucked my courage and approached him after class one day. I told him I was hard of hearing and would he please let me follow along with the text. He looked at me and said with a perplexed look on his face: “But you look so normal!” Stunned, I wondered what he thought a person with hearing loss should look like!
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book?
A: Writing this memoir has been both cathartic and a bit painful. I had to reflect deeply on how much my hearing loss has affected my life.
At times it was difficult to think back on how much easier my life would have been if I didn’t have this loss, and how I would have made different life choices. But it also feels liberating to finally share my experience of hearing loss with others, something I have largely kept hidden.
I literally didn’t speak the first four years of my life and so, while my friends know me as articulate, and I largely am that, there is also a very young part of me that feels she has no access to her words. So, finally finding the words to share my experience through writing and speaking about my memoir is a healing and corrective experience for me.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: In addition to my continued practice as a professional abstract painter, I am working on some flash nonfiction essays. These are musings and impressions from my rich life, not all necessarily related to hearing loss.
I had a complex relationship with my German refugee parents: a disturbed psychoanalyst father, and Jewish mother survivor of the Holocaust. Although some of this is touched on in the memoir, there is much more material here to mine.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: In addition to writing, I have been a professional painter and photographer for several decades. This profession in the visual field is one that is compatible with a hearing loss, and I am very grateful that I have found my way to artmaking.
Although writing and artmaking may seem very different, I find the process surprisingly similar. They both require getting out of your own way and honoring what wants to emerge in the moment. And then of course, one uses one’s critical faculties to edit and refine the work.
To find out more about my memoir visit: www.claudiamarseilleauthor.com, and about my paintings, visit: www.claudiamarseille.com. Thank you, Deborah, for this opportunity to share a little of my life.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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