Andrea Leeb is the author of the new memoir Such a Pretty Picture. She lives in Venice Beach, California.
Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir?
A: I never intended to write about my childhood. It wasn’t until my father’s death, which coincided with the #MeToo movement, that I began to put my story onto paper. I realized then that sharing my story could help other survivors feel less alone.
I remembered how crucial reclaiming my agency and my voice was in the process of my recovery. I knew the only way for me to honor my recovery and help other survivors find a way to their own healing paths was to tell my story as a memoir.
Q: The writer Pam Houston said of the book, “If you know a survivor of childhood predation (and trust me, you do) this book, so full of candor, and bravery and language's redemptive lyric flight, will be a talisman for healing.” What do you think of that assessment?
A: The first time I read Pam’s blurb I cried (the good kind of tears). I had three objectives when writing this book:
As a lifelong writer, I wanted to write a beautiful book.
By telling my story I wanted to give other survivors hope that it is possible to reclaim their stolen agency and, with help, to heal.
I wanted to bring awareness to an issue that people would prefer to turn away from.
Pam’s eloquent assessment of my book gave me validation that I had accomplished what I set out to achieve. It is an assessment that, especially coming from a writer like Pam Houston, I cherish and hold close.
Q: How was the book's title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: I struggled to find the right title. Over the five years it took me to write this book, it had four different working titles. Some were better than others but none of them fit. It was my publisher, Brooke Warner, and editor, Addison Gallegos, who suggested Such a Pretty Picture.
The title comes directly from a line my mother says in a flashback scene toward the end of the book. In the flashback, I am 11 and my mother and I are looking at an older photograph of the two of us. “My mother sat on an Adirondack chair with me on her lap. A posed picture in dandelion-freckled field of grass.” “Such a pretty picture,’’ my mother observed as we studied the image.
When Brooke and Addison proposed it, I knew immediately that it was the perfect title for the book. In the book and in life, I spent decades hiding an unbearable truth disguised as a pretty picture. It was something I was taught at an early age, and it almost destroyed me.
One of the central messages in the book is that no matter how smart or how pretty you might be or try to be you can’t pretend-away the truth. If our secrets remain hidden, they will control us.
Q: What impact did it have on you to write the book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?
A: The book was more difficult to write than I expected, especially because my mother was alive when I began writing. I grappled with feeling that by telling my story I was betraying her. It was interesting for me since I thought I had long since accepted that my mother, although I loved her, had failed me, and that I had nothing to feel guilty about.
At the time, I had not been in therapy for a couple of years, and although I had a supportive community of friends and relatives behind me, I knew I needed professional help to navigate the guilt and to continue writing the book. I went back into therapy.
I’ve also noticed that through the process of writing and speaking about my book that I’ve become more open. I no longer hesitate to identify as an incest survivor. It has been rewarding to already see the impact of sharing my story. I’ve also had the opportunity to speak publicly on the issue of incest trauma and to join the UCLA Rape Treatment Center and Stuart House Advisory Board.
I am now dedicating more of my time to advocacy and to volunteering at Stuart House, a program of the Rape Treatment Center that provides for the treatment sexually abused children. My inspiration to engage in this work came from writing this book. It was an unexpected and meaningful gift.
In terms of what I hope readers take away, in addition to giving survivors a glimmer of hope, I hope that the memoir will create further awareness about the issue of childhood sexual abuse, especially incest. Given recent cuts to government funding to organizations dedicated to helping victims of sexual violence, that goal is more important now than ever.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: I had pulled a partially written novel out of the drawer, and I have been exploring its possibilities. In truth I have found that the authoring process (as opposed to the writing process) is so consuming I am finding it hard to focus on anything unrelated to Such A Pretty Picture. I plan to write a second book but at this point I am not sure what that book will look like.
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: If you know a survivor, be gentle and kind. Sexual assault or abuse regardless of whether it happens to an adult or a child is shattering.
If someone you know tells you that they were sexually abused, believe them.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline offers free, confidential, 24/7 support to survivors and their loved ones in English and Spanish at: 800.656.HOPE (4673) and Hotline.RAINN.org and En Español RAINN.org/es.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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