Dana Caspersen is the author of the new book Conflict Is an Opportunity: 20 Fundamental Decisions for Navigating Difficult Times. Caspersen, a conflict engagement specialist, also has written the book Changing the Conversation.
Q: What inspired you to write Conflict Is an Opportunity?
A: I wrote this book because once we find ourselves in conflict, it’s too late to practice our approach to conflict!
The book serves as a tool for people to practice their approach in advance, steadily and in low-stakes situations. People in conflict often feel stuck and stressed, unable to see a way forward. This book is a guide that can help you see where you are in conflict and decide what to do.
Conflict Is an Opportunity centers around 20 questions that illuminate the decisions that we make during conflict. These decisions are always being made– consciously or unconsciously. The book offers a practice for making these decisions with intention.
On a daily basis, we can take action to ground ourselves, focus on what really matters, and look for the pathways that are open to us. Alternatively, we can get stuck in cycles of attack, defense, or avoidance. It’s up to us. The first action we take in a conflict is to decide where we place our attention, and that’s where this book starts.
Q: How was the book’s title chosen, and what does it signify for you?
A: I chose the title because a constructive approach to conflict isn’t about using the “right” techniques or saying the “right” words. In fact, formulaic approaches often backfire. The most critical element in conflict is our mindset– what’s happening internally before we engage with anyone else.
Our fundamental beliefs about conflict shape what we imagine is possible within it. If we see conflict as a nightmare to fight through or avoid, this mindset will limit our thoughts and actions.
Conversely, seeing conflict as an opportunity for constructive change opens a broader range of possibilities. We can focus on understanding what matters to people, identifying obstacles, determining necessary changes, and taking actions that make those changes more achievable.
A: At one point in my life, I was surrounded by conflict in both personal and professional settings and I saw how much suffering it caused, for myself and others.
My habit at the time was to try to “manage” conflict by heading it off at the pass or attempting to squelch it when it did arise. I would spend a lot of energy trying to control situations of discord from behind the scenes, talking people down or trying to unilaterally solve problems.
This approach often left important matters unresolved, leading to simmering tensions or explosive outcomes.
Eventually, I decided that there had to be a better way. So, I began studying conflict and went on to earn a master’s degree in conflict studies and mediation.
At first, I still had the secret intention to control and get rid of conflict. Eventually, I realized that not only is conflict inevitable, but it can actually be a catalyst for positive change.
My approach shifted; I stopped trying to control conflict and instead began stepping into it with curiosity. This change has brought me greater ease, deeper connections, and a vital sense of possibility when conflict does arise.
Q: What do you hope readers take away from the book?
A: Your habits in conflict are not who you are, they are just what you have done so far. These habits can be changed.
By taking small, intentional actions daily, you have the power to shape your approach to conflict and develop a steady, flexible mindset to support you in stressful situations.
Increasing your awareness of the decisions that are yours to make can help you to see conflict as an opportunity for constructive change, rather than as a battle to be won, lost, or avoided.
Q: What are you working on now?
A: Currently, I’m creating training materials that work in tandem with both of my books to support people in consciously practicing their conflict approach. This includes developing sets of cards and practice books, as well as expanding my online training and coaching offerings. I’m also working on ideas for my next book…
Q: Anything else we should know?
A: These are challenging times, but we have the power—individually and collectively—to navigate turbulence with clarity and purpose. By actively shaping our practice now, we can build our ability to steady our minds, respond with clarity, and pivot effectively when the unexpected arises.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to connect with you and your readers. Thank you for having me!
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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