K.K. Goldberg is the author of the new book The Doctor and the Stork: A Memoir of Modern Medical Babymaking. Her work has appeared in a variety of publications, including The New York Times and the Gettysburg Review. She lives in Berkeley, California.
Q: Why did you decide to
write this book, and did you make the decision to write it while you were
pregnant, or once the twins were born?
A: There’s so little written
for women pregnant with twins, after infertility or otherwise—and there’s a
particular absence of stories from a mother’s first-person perspective. I hoped
that a memoir, rather than something strictly factual or advice-oriented, would
amuse, comfort and distract women going through these experiences.
I rigorously recorded my
thoughts throughout IVF and the high-risk pregnancy, but didn’t start shaping
the book until afterward. When my twins were babies, I was awake at odd hours
anyway, the pregnancy still fresh in my mind. It seemed important to speak
about how extreme and challenging it had been—and also to try to capture some
of the beauty and humor.
Q: Can you say more about how
you remembered all the details you include in the book?
A: As a means of venting
difficult feelings through IVF and the resulting twin pregnancy, I kept
detailed journals. These became basis of The Doctor and the Stork—I even preserved
the week-by-week format, since that’s how I kept time while gestating.
Without those notes, the
minutiae of what I ate and wore, of what people said and how I reacted, surely
would have been lost to the fog. There’s a good reason there’s not much written
about twin pregnancy—the mind tends to wipe itself clean. I like to capture
things in things in writing for precisely this reason.
Q: What are some of the most
common perceptions and misperceptions about being pregnant with twins?
A: In my experience, the most
common misperception about twin pregnancy is that it’s a heftier version of
carrying a single baby. It’s radically different. That’s one reason why parents
of multiples form clubs and support groups. Doctors will of course mention
greater “discomfort” for expectant mothers of multiples, but at least in my
case, this term became a profound understatement.
There are also numerous
complications that can arise with twins—I knew this intellectually, but I
hadn’t fully grasped the emotional impact until in the thick of it. For example,
with twins there’s a constant risk of catastrophic prematurity, and then
constant medical monitoring in attempt to prevent it. The fear and worry can be
intense.
Q: What do your family
members think of the book, and what do you think your sons will think of it
when they're old enough to read it?
A: For the most part my
family has been supportive. Certainly some members recall events differently—and
I try to tackle this exact dynamic in the book itself.
I don’t expect my parents and
siblings to cherish the fact that I write memoir. I’m grateful they accept it. I
believe that cycles of conflict and coming together are more the norm for
families than the exception, and a huge life transition like pregnancy—and in
my case twin pregnancy—brings these relationships center stage.
As for my sons, I think by
the time they are old enough to have interest in their mother’s pregnancy
memoir, their reaction will probably be, Wow, she had more marbles back
then! I hope they see how much they were wanted.
Q: What are you working on
now?
A: I’m writing essays for the
Huffington Post Parents and other parenting venues about infertility, its
treatments, and all things related to twins. I’m looking forward to doing another
book, perhaps venturing into fiction. I’d like to write “a mother’s guide to
napping,” after completing extensive personal research.
Q: Anything else we should
know?
A: Since the publication of The
Doctor and the Stork, I’ve been immensely touched by the responses I’ve gotten
from people who have either had twins, endured infertility, or both.
I barely discussed IVF with
anyone while going through it, and now I share it with everyone. As a result
people continuously share with me their own fertility travails. I’m honored and
humbled to receive these stories, and hope that in the end, we all can be less
alone.
--Interview with Deborah Kalb
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