Q&A with Janine Kovac

 

Photo by Terry Lorant

 

 

Janine Kovac is the author of the new book The Nutcracker Chronicles: A Fairytale Memoir. Her other books include Spinning. A former professional ballet dancer, she lives in Oakland, California.

 

Q: What inspired you to write this memoir?

 

A: I have been trying to make sense of the Nutcracker ever since I was old enough to read the synopsis in the ballet programs. The story onstage was nothing like the story written by E.T.A. Hoffmann and that puzzled me.

 

Who was this Sugar Plum Fairy? Why does Drosselmeier give Clara a magic nutcracker without preparing her for the battle? And if Clara is the star, why does she spend all of the second act sitting around watching other people dance?

 

I wasn’t alone in my questions. For over a hundred years, choreographers have been trying to create a cohesive story out of Tchaikovsky’s music.

 

As a professional ballet dancer, I had even more questions. Why was this ballet such a success? How did I come to dread it and love it at the same time?

 

I had questions about my career, too. Namely, I had made so many sacrifices for my career. On paper, the pros were always outweighed by the cons. So why did I wish I’d had more time?

 

Meanwhile, as I was dancing this mishmash of a story onstage, I was collecting stories backstage. Little angels who couldn’t remember their choreography. Mother Ginger cookies competing to see who had the best walkovers. A college student who starts out in a kickline of tap-dancing sheep and few years later is cast as the Nutcracker Prince. A director who models the party scene after the Christmas parties hosted by her own German grandmother in pre-war Berlin.

 

I didn’t want these stories to be lost and I set a challenge for myself: could I tell the story—my story—of a professional ballet dancer through the narrative arc of the Nutcracker ballet? After all, as a retired dancer and the wife and mother of ballet dancers, I, like Clara, spent the second act of my life watching other people dance.

 

Q: How was the book's title chosen, and what does it signify for you?

 

A: The title was given to me by a writer friend of mine. We were in a feedback group. Each month I’d present a different chapter of the book, highlighting a different aspect of professional ballet. At that time the title was The Nutcracker and the Marriage, as a nod to the source material, E.T.A. Hoffmann’s The Nutcracker and the Mouse King.

 

One day after we met, my friend said, “Nobody knows the real title of that nutcracker book. Just call it The Nutcracker Chronicles and be done with it.”

 

And, as they say, that was that.

Q: The author Lauren Kessler said of the book, “For those who love dance, for those who know nothing of dance, this bittersweet book will speak to you about perseverance, friendship, and what is really important.” What do you think of that description?

 

A: Great question! Frankly, I was surprised to hear that someone had read my book and used the word “bittersweet” to describe it.

 

From my point of view, I’ve had a charmed life. I got my dream career. I married my prince. I have children who make me laugh and also appreciate the world of ballet. And I’m still close friends with almost all of the artists who shaped my career over the years. Along with perseverance and friendship, that is what’s really important.

 

The review did make me wonder—perhaps disappointment is more relatable than success. Success is so personal. Only I know that it was just as thrilling to land a series of perfect pirouettes in front of a sold-out audience as it was to execute a perfect rond de jambe when there were no witnesses.

 

Q: What impact did it have on you to write the memoir, and what do you hope readers take away from it?

 

A: It started out as this puzzle: how could I map my life as a professional ballet dancer onto the Nutcracker narrative? But the more I wrote, the more I explored the question, Why do we dance and how do we honor the artist within?

 

Writing stories from my childhood meant that I reconnected with many of my old friends in a deep and meaningful way. Together we processed difficult memories and damaging criticism, which opened the door for us to celebrate our careers and achievements.

 

More than once we said to ourselves, “Wow! Look we did! We were so young and so dedicated.” We had so much compassion and admiration for our younger selves. I don’t think I would have made that emotional journey by myself.

 

I am a big proponent of the idea that there is an artist within all of us. I use the metaphor of a light inside that searches for the best way to shine.

 

It’s a risk to honor the artist within. It takes time and effort to hone your skills and it’s no fun to feel vulnerable when you can’t see how you are supported.

 

But the payoff is that we connect to our authentic selves—it’s a harmonic connection between mind, body, and soul. I hope that this memoir inspires readers to connect to their own artistic passions.  

 

Q: What are you working on now?

 

A: I’m on my fourth revision of a novel set in Oakland centered around dysfunctional relationships and the allure of easy money. I’ve also started outlining a hybrid serial I call Stories I Don’t Have Time to Write set in a fictional universe full of sentient sea monsters.

 

Q: Anything else we should know?

 

A: Thank you for the thoughtful questions and thank you for the opportunity to reflect on my book and the world of professional ballet.

 

--Interview with Deborah Kalb