Q&A with Wendy Swift

  

 

 

Wendy Swift is the author of the new memoir A Dream Life. She lives in Connecticut. 

 

Q: Why did you decide to write this memoir?

 

A: I was working as the director of the writing center at a private day and boarding school and in that role I formed writing groups for students and faculty. In my faculty group, I had been writing fiction, but one time I decided to tell my story encapsulated into an essay that I titled “Praying Before Idols.”

 

When I shared that essay with my fellow writing group members they were stunned. They had no idea that this experience of being married to a man who was incarcerated for embezzlement was part of my life’s history. With their encouragement, I wrote more essays and each one was published.

 

At first I  thought I would only write about raising my daughters while their father was in prison, but then I realized it needed context and so the story was expanded to include events leading up to his incarceration and briefly following.

 

I realized my story had meaning for many others, especially when I went online and found Lisa Lawler, founder of the White-Collar Wives Project. Many people’s lives are impacted by white-collar crime.

 

Q: How was the book’s title chosen and what does it signify for you?

 

A: Originally, I thought about titling the memoir Praying Before Idols, like the essay I had published in Grub Street Literary Magazine, but someone noted that title sounded like one fitting a religious-themed book.

 

As I read through my manuscript, it was clear that in my denial I was looking to live a dream life, one where all my wishes for material fulfillment were granted and everyone was happy and safe. The title speaks to that wish as well as to the irony that resulted from seeking a dream life without consideration for the reality that underpinned that.

 

Finally, in the US we often hear about the American Dream of prosperity resulting from hard work. I think most of us know that’s a myth for many.

 

Q: How would you describe the dynamic between you and your then-husband, Dan?

 

A: As I attempt to convey in my memoir, there were many great things about our relationship. He was funny and smart and loved being a father. At the same time, there was a tremendous amount of tension resulting from my desire to control what was beyond my control.

 

So we could sometimes be good friends, and other times we were absolute adversaries where arguing was a large part of our interactions. And because Dan was doing things he didn’t want anyone to know about, he was often evasive, which was frustrating when I had the sense that there were problems.

 

Naturally, alcohol and drug abuse interfere in creating an honest relationship even if one partner is not engaged in criminal behavior.

 

Q: What impact did it have on you to write this book, and what do you hope readers take away from it?

 

A: The process of writing a book introduced me to a community of writers and propelled me to take writing classes and join writing groups. I love writing, but I hadn’t before written with so much intention.

 

I felt proud of myself for having the fortitude to work at writing and submitting the manuscript to publishers, but I was also a bit worried about the beast I was letting loose into the world.

 

At the same time, I discovered as chapters were published that readers are interested in learning about the ways in which any one of us can fall prey to false beliefs. It is not the tale of a hero and so I felt apprehensive about what readers would think of my story.

 

I hope readers can find themselves in the pages and realize that even when they feel trapped in a relationship, or sense that something is not right, that they have the strength to face those fears even at the risk of losing what they long to keep. Once their fears are confronted, they will ultimately become stronger and happier.

 

I also would like readers to recognize that if they are in a relationship where they believe their voice is not being heard, that they get appropriate support to avoid feeling frustrated and trapped.

 

Q: What are you working on now?

 

A: I am working on a craft essay about how writing with anger can block the writer’s work at self-reflection, which I believe is key in memoir writing. I am also very interested in flash writing. I recently took a class at Gotham Writers Workshop on flash writing and plan on focusing efforts on that form.

 

Q: Anything else we should know?

 

A: I decided to contribute 50 percent of my sales to the CT Children With Incarcerated Parents Initiative, which provides scholarships to the children of incarcerated parents.

 

Contributing to this project adds meaning to my memoir because not only might my story serve as an inspiration to women who feel marginalized in their relationships but I am doing something very concrete to help prevent the cycle of incarceration.

 

--Interview with Deborah Kalb